I found this one while browsing in a used book store. I’m a kid in a candy shop in places like that. I’d already picked up a biography on Samuel Johnson, and then this one caught my eye. I remember hearing about the bestseller Getting to Yes by the same author, but I’d never read it.
By then, I’d read and studied The Little Gold Book of Yes! Attitude by Jeffrey Gitomer, and
adopted my 11th governing value: “I start with ‘yes’ and finish with
‘yes.’” I’d also learned that saying “no” to things of lesser priority was the
only way I could say “yes” to all the things I really wanted to do. So the book looked interesting and into the
basket it went.
The Summary
Ury frames his concept with the illustration of a tree. Your
personal Yes is the roots holding the
tree firmly in the ground. Your No is the trunk of the tree that comes
from those roots. From the strength of
that tree trunk No, a final Yes of full limbs, branches, leaves, and
flowers grow.
He breaks the concept down into three stages considering the
first Yes, the No, and the second Yes in
each:
Stage One: Prepare
Uncover Your Yes
Empower Your No
Respect Your Way to Yes
Stage Two:
Deliver
Express Your Yes
Assert Your No
Propose a Yes
Stage Three:
Follow Through
Stay True to Your Yes
Underscore Your No
Negotiate to Yes
The Gold
In a world that is increasingly engulfed in emotional No, this book is right on time. Ury’s perspective and practical tips on
creating a space for mutual respect and setting the context for No as a tool for Yes are brilliant and apply to business and personal life. I will
be recommending this book as required reading for those involved in community
associations. The answer to many
questions posed in our arena has to be No. But it should not end there, and the message
must be delivered properly if we are to help our clients and communities thrive.
“There is no doubt that delivering a Positive No requires courage, vision, empathy, fortitude, patience, and persistence. But it is within reach of everyone every day, and the words are potentially enormous…You don’t have to choose between saying No and getting to Yes. You can do both. You can say No…positively!”
– William Ury
Intrigued? Good.
Beans Everywhere!
I’ve shared the Magic Beans blog series in an attempt to help community association volunteer leaders and the professionals who serve them to find ways to communicate effectively with community members and each other. This book is loaded with magic beans.
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Gratitude spreads through my thoughts as I stare out onto the ocean and ponder the year gone by. Of course, 2018 didn’t go as I thought it would, reminding me that having a purpose can be more useful than having a plan. My purpose of sharing content is to give away all the good things I’ve been fortunate enough to collect. This would not have happened without you blog readers and followers on our business social media platform. I am grateful to so many who have inspired me, supported me, pushed me, put up with me, corrected me, encouraged me, taught me, challenged me, put up with me some more, and set an example for me. One way or another, all of them made my work better and helped me grow as a person. Thank you one and all.
I also thought about the authors that influenced me most this year. Some books were read this year. Others were read years ago and keep showing up in my presentations, blogs, teaching, mentoring, and day-to-day conversations. They have shaped the way I do business. So as a way to thank those influencers who I’ve crammed into my cranium and possibly give you a few ideas for books that might make a difference for you, I offer this year end blog. It’s a long one, but I have a lot of people to thank (and value to give, hopefully)!
T-Rex’s Top Ten Influential Authors in 2018
Leaders-Strategies for Taking Charge by Warren Bennis & Burt Nanus – This was hugely influential when I first started studying leadership in the mid-’80s. The lessons are insightful and the fundamentals are rock solid. I also found his Organizing Genius, Geeks & Geezers, and Reinventing Leadership with Robert Townsend to be outstanding. Dr. Bennis is missed, but his work lives on. It’s woven into every board orientation/tune-up session we share with clients.
Little Golden Book of Yes! Attitude by Jeffrey Gitomer– It’s hokey (Gitomer says so himself), but it’s practical and very real. I keep coming back to it when I need a checkup from the neck up. A few years after studying this book, I did a co-presentation with Shannon Polly and became exposed to the discipline of positive psychology. It turns out the hokey stuff has a clinical backup!
Start With Why, by Simon Sinek – I’d been frustrated for a long time with managers, management companies and board members who seemed determined to stay in the weeds and miss the point. I was always encouraging folks to drill down and get to The Why. I stumbled across a Sinek TED Talk. I bought the book and immediately began stealing from him. His Leaders Eat Last is also very good.
Good to Great, by Jim Collins, including the monograph Good to Great and the Social Sectors– I find myself referring to “Level 5” leadership, the “hedgehog concept” and “pockets of greatness” with frequency. Pockets of greatness will be woven into our work with community associations and management companies in building intentional culture in 2019.
The Speed of Trust by Steven M.R. Covey – I’ll always be indebted to John Byers of Townside Management for introducing this one to me. The general concept plays out all the time in community associations: When trust is present, things go quickly and it’s less expensive. When trust is absent, things take forever and it costs more. I referenced the book at one board consulting session and was tickled to hear that the management company bought copies for all the board members as a gift afterward.
Driven to Delight, by Joseph Michelli – This book helped me to refine how I looked at and taught customer service for community associations. The story of how Mercedes Benz learned to morph from a product-centric to customer-centric mindset is fascinating and applicable to our work. Helping managers, volunteer leaders, and all front line team members, to get out from under their perspective (typically their version of “product-centric”) and think and feel like the members hey serve has been a game-changer.
To Sell is Human, by Daniel Pink – Great research as always by this author. All his work is very good, but this one is still my favorite. I’d known (from Zig Ziglar and others), that sales is essentially service when it’s done right. But I still held negative connotations. This book helped me to put the pieces together and get rid of some mental deadwood. Leaders sell. Salespeople lead. It’s all just part of the human experience.
The Leadership Challenge, by Jim Kouzes & Barry Posner– I have no idea why it took me so long to discover Kouzes & Posner. Model the way, inspire a shared vision, enable others to act, and encourage the heart. Simple in concept, brilliant in application. They are constantly fine-tuning their work based on one of the most impressive collections of data I’ve ever seen.
Who Do You Want Your Customer to Become? by Michael Schrage – Seth Godin mentioned this ebook on a podcast, so I looked it up. Great companies make change for a living. If Association Bridge ever stops making change, we’re quitting the business.
The Excellence Dividend – Meeting the Tech Tide with Work That Wows and Jobs That Last, by Tom Peters – I saved the best for last. Mr. Peters has been a major influence on my business thinking for a long time. Along with Bennis’ Leaders, Peters’ 1982 In Search of Excellence created a foundation for my thinking on organizational dynamics and leadership. The eight principles of In Search still hold up; a bias for action, close to the customer, autonomy & entrepreneurship, productivity through people, hands-on/value driven, stick to what the company knows best, simple form/lean staff, and simultaneous loose-tight properties. The 2018 edition to his long list of titles (most of which still also hold up) goes back to the well on these core principles and applies them to the realities of today and tomorrow. Dividend is packed with meaty content, the result of the author’s 30+ years of experience and incredibly voracious study habits. He’s done the work and he’s clearly trying to give it all away. Even if all you did was use this book to compile a reading list by culling the 7 quadrazillion books he references and quotes from, it would be worth it. I will be re-reading and studying this book well into 2019.
Plus One – A Special Place for Seth
I’ve enjoyed all of Seth Godin’s books. Tribes was particularly insightful in helping to see the context of humans, digital interactions, companies, and relationships. What Does it Sound Like When You Change Your Mind is still about the coolest gift anyone ever gave me.
If all you have is a few minutes to chew on something, you might want to try reading his daily blog. You have the time. Some of his blogs are two sentences. But they’ll get you thinking. I am also getting a lot out of his Akimbo podcast.
Honorable Mentions From the Past & Very Useful 2018 Reads
Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell – There is lots of debate about the validity of the 10,000 hours to mastery idea. Whether that’s a magic number or not, who cares? The principles of showing up and sticking with it work.
Team of Teams by Stanley McChrystal – Practical leadership models to deal with a lightning-fast, complex world, with some pretty insightful myth-busting to boot.
The Culture Engine by S. Chris Edmonds – Provides a useful framework to help organizations develop intentional culture. This is going to be a big theme for us in 2019.
The Advantage, by Patrick Lencioni – Another one recommended by Mr. Peters and also by my friend Jim Fisher. Good insights into organizational culture.
If You Made It This Far, You Are DA BOMB…Final Thoughts
Well, that’s it for 2018. I hope the T-Rex Blog has given you some ideas, perhaps even a little inspiration. Thank you for reading. Thank you even more for your input. And thanks even more than that for passing forward any great ideas that you collect from any source to benefit others.
Final ponderings (thanks for indulging me…). This is just a business blog. Though it’s easy to get things out of whack, please remember that business isn’t life, it’s just a part of it. As such, the way we decide to do our business matters. Be serious about how you do your business, but don’t take yourself too seriously. Care enough to make a difference. You can’t fix the world, but you can make a little difference in someone’s life every day. Sharing love can take many forms. Please share. Take care of others. Take care of yourself. Remember who, and what, is most important, and do your business in a way that honors that.
Sunrise 12/31/18
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I did a lot of curation in the early days of trying to figure out how to set up my digital platform. Through Twitter, I stumbled upon Shonali Burke, the Queen of Measurement in the public relations field. Her Waxing Unlyrical blog became one of my resources. I noticed Shonali frequently retweeted Mark Schaefer. At the time, a good amount of it was a bit over my head. She convinced me to attend a conference in Washington D.C. at which Mark was a speaker, despite the fact that I was a fish out of water. I was glad that I left my comfort zone and showed up. Mark was an excellent teacher. He went deep without sacrificing pragmatism. I could tell he was an introverted fellow with a passion for sharing thoughts and ideas. I got the sense he dug into subjects and let the data lead him to his conclusions. My kind of guy!
Flash forward to 2018. My platform was finally starting to take shape, but I knew I wasn’t doing it very well. Mark had published Known: The Handbook For Building And Unleashing Your Personal Brand In The Digital Age. I have a general aversion to “how to” books, but I decided maybe this was the time to learn from Mark (see note on “Krios” below). It was a good decision. I will never be an internet superstar, nor do I want to be. But I am much clearer on how I can use the medium in a useful way as I take my professional mission farther and deeper.
The Summary
Known is a “how to” book done right. The lessons are taught through research, personal experience, and by the experience of others who have mastered their digital brand in distinctive ways. All the lessons are founded in the fundamentals of life and business, and that’s why they can work. Mark sticks to The Why and stays grounded. He is a humble myth buster. He is also a master of realism, tackling the challenges of the human condition in a balanced and thoughtful way.
He breaks the task of digital branding into four steps– place, space, fuel and finally, creating an actionable audience. Along the way he dismantles the “follow your dream” Kool Aid and integrates the principles of grit into the process of engaging in any meaningful endeavor. He provides invaluable advice on content development. He also explains how you might fit other media, such as book writing and public speaking, into your platform. In each section, you’ll find real-life practical tips. (Spoiler Alert: Tip #20 for content creation is to “drink a beer.” (114))
I was especially impressed with Chapter Three – “Finding Your Sustainable Interest.” Mark introduces seven exercises that he has used at his seminars. They are more than marketing exercises; they are valuable for anyone looking to find or clarify their career path.
Finally, Mark introduces you to “Stars of Known,” actual case studies that show how all this can come together for distinctively different people and situations.
The Gold
There’s so much gold in here that it’s hard to pick. Here are some of my personal favorites:
Page 12: “Passion without a plan is a hobby.”
Page 23: “The key to success isn’t necessarily a passion, it’s finding a sustainable interest…”
Page 30: “Everybody has the chance to be known and realize their goals and dreams, but not everybody will succeed. Some will listen to the gurus and ‘follow their dream’ into oblivion without the plan they need to give them a chance to succeed. Some will grow impatient and give up too soon. Many will be unwilling to devote the time and consistent hard work needed to make it happen.”
Page 40: “Passion…that’s common. Endurance is rare.”
Page 69: “Becoming known is probably a multi-year journey. But the journey must start. You must begin, even if it’s not perfect.”
Page 107: Practical steps to answer the question, “What kind of content is right for you?”
Page 110: Awesome advice to help answer the question, “How do you find time for this?”
Page 151:The description of the “Alpha Audience” was an Aha! moment for me.
Chapter 9: The five inspiring stories of Known . Yes!
Page 194: Application of 2 Greek words for time, Chronos (chronological time) and Kairos (“the right time”). So insightful.
Page 199: Overcoming fear and the imposter syndrome.
Page 219: “Consistency can heal a multitude of faults – and maybe it eventually turns into talent.” – Anna Blake
Page 223: “It’s your job to make that fire (your content) worth gathering around.” – Chris Brogan
Page 225: “Provide value with the expectation that you’ll never receive anything in return. Serve your audience with your arms wide open, not with a hand extended.” -Shawn Van Dyke
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For my first Tomasaurus Rex Blog book review, I chose one with a very personal connection. It is one of my favorite business/life stories. Over the course of my long association with Arthur Dubin back in the Dubin & Associates days, he shared a number of anecdotes about a man he knew in his youth. As near as I could make out, this big-hearted fellow named Jerry had been a big deal at some point. From Arthur’s stories, I gathered Jerry had owned the Philadelphia Eagles. I learned he regularly treated kids to Eagles and Baltimore Bullets games. I knew he had lost his fortune but was not clear exactly how. But the real story was the man behind all that. The Jerry that Arthur described was a kind and generous man who has treated more people to restaurant meals than anyone in history. A famous practical joker, he also had a great sense of humor.
What I did not know when we joined Zalco Realty in June of 2000 was that Jerry Wolman was a real estate phenomenon in the late 50’s and 60’s, that he had embarked on building the tallest skyscraper in the U.S. and that his empire collapsed as a result of issues related to that project. I did not know that Zalco Realty’s owner and chairman had been associated with Jerry and that Zalco’s beginning was in some way connected to the remains of Jerry’s real estate holdings. I also did not know that Jerry kept an office at Zalco.
So we Dubin employees moved into Zalco’s Silver Spring office as part of the merger arrangement. My next door office neighbor was this extremely friendly older fellow named Jerry. As we chatted amiably about life and business, I noticed that the guy especially lit up when talking about two things – his family and sports. He exuded kindness and generosity of spirit, one of those people for whom you sense you would be happy to do anything for. I got the feeling I could learn a lot from this guy. One day I told Jerry I’d love to better understand the art of the real estate deals and pick his brain. I explained how I would love to get off the financial hamster wheel one day but that I was limited by a lack of capital. Jerry told me, “Aw Tommy, you don’t need money to make money. You just need balls!” So old school.
Then one day our discussion turned again to sports. He casually mentioned he once owned the Eagles, but it was a long time ago when I wouldn’t have known any of the players. Jerry had not yet grasped that I am a bit of a sports history nut. After reeling off the names of half a dozen or so players, his eyes flashed as he broke into that big Jerry smile and he exclaimed, “You know!!” After a few months of being next door to the guy, the light bulb finally turned on. I walked into Arthur’s office and asked, “That guy Jerry I’ve been talking to for the last 6 months – that’s The Jerry?” Arthur, incredulous, replied, “You didn’t know that?”
Fully enlightened, I thoroughly enjoyed my time with Jerry until he moved out of Silver Spring and into an office at the Ellicott City spring water bottling business he was working on at the time. We caught up every so often. It was always a delight. Jerry was the kind of person you want to be like when you grew up, in part because in some laudable ways he never grew up. He was the guy you wanted to introduce to all the special people in your life. I was grateful my wife got to meet the man I had talked about so much before she passed. As I learned more about his history and did a little research on the Philadelphia Flyers and the John Hancock Center, I was amazed at his irrepressibly positive attitude. The fact that he never expressed any bitterness whatsoever towards those who appeared to have done everything from serving him poorly to being outright disloyal showed me the meaning of grace.
The Summary
I knew Jerry was a class act, but my appreciation grew considerably after reading the book. He never claimed to be a perfect man, just a regular guy from Shenandoah (“Shendo”) PA. The book chronicles his life from boyhood to his chance arrival in Washington, DC. He kept his eyes open, thought creatively, and found opportunity, eventually presiding over a $100 million (roughly $750M in 2018 dollars) real estate development and management empire. His business practices were old school, to say the least. Deals were sealed with handshakes. Your word was your bond. Eventually, he lived his dream and bought the Philadelphia Eagles. Soon after, his holdings included the Spectrum arena and the fledgling Philadelphia Flyers. Then it all came apart. Construction faults in his most ambitious construction project and his resolve to remain personally responsible for the business required him to liquidate his assets, including his beloved Eagles. Along the way and well after the financial fall, Jerry touched countless lives with his kindness and generosity. In the end, many of those to whom he gave grew in material wealth. Some owed their fortunes to him. But with the love Jerry shared and got back from friends and family, he remained the richest of them all.
The Gold
Jerry’s story is a touching and, in the final analysis, uplifting story of what a person can accomplish. It also teaches how to recognize the failures of the past and admit errors while staying focused on the present. Success and riches of real value transcend cash, power and toys. It’s about family, and dreams, and effort, and people, and giving, and love. I don’t know anyone who has given as much away as Jerry did without ever keeping score. Naturally, proceeds from the book went to a charity close to Jerry’s heart.
Jerry’s inscription in my copy of the book. A tough guy unafraid to express love – pure Jerry
We lost Jerry in 2013. I wish you could have met him. I miss him, but his impact on my life remains. I’ll tell Jerry stories as long as I live. Soon, very few will remember the man. The book is already hard to get. Don’t miss out. Amazon still has a few copies.
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