Tag Archives: Attitude

Attitude, Management, Professionalism

Tie Guy

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When I taught my first M-100 class for the Community Associations Institute, I had a little bio to share with the class. I wanted to let them know where I came from, and that at one point in my career, I was them. In many ways, I still am. I’m still a student too, nervous amongst people I don’t know and worried about saying something stupid in the classroom. And once upon a time, I too was anxious about passing a test so I could get reimbursed for my educational expense. I wanted to let them know I respected them and would do my best to give them the best value I could during our time together. I also wanted them to realize how impactful their jobs were, and how important it was to be a professional.

And then a funny thing happened. I said, “I’m a tie guy.” It just fell out of my mouth.

Respect

Community association management is an interesting field. It is typically less profitable than its older cousins, commercial and “residential” (i.e. apartment) management.  This is true for a few reasons, which I will no doubt rant about in a future blog. To do it well requires a skillset and level of emotional intelligence uncommon in the workplace. For these reasons, many commercial and residential managers want nothing to do with community association management.

Community association management has a different paradigm than other real estate management niches – community managers are managing their bosses.

Volunteer leaders are ultimately responsible for the success of their communities. And as successful as they may be, or may have been, in their respective fields of endeavor, only a tiny percentage have ever been in the shoes of their community manager. They frequently do not realize what it takes to be one.

Put it all together and it’s not surprising to find that many community association managers struggle to feel appreciated and respected.

Chickens and Eggs

In all these years of training and mentoring managers, I noticed a pattern. Many managers were missing the boat and accidentally creating self-fulfilling prophecies. They yearned for respect on their terms, but they weren’t always doing the things that would earn respect in their client’s eyes. Feeling underpaid and under-appreciated, they assumed a victim’s mentality. They often say, “I’ll do more when I get paid for it,” which is somewhat akin to staring at a gas stove and saying, “If you give me flame, I’ll give you some fuel.”

On the whole, the profession hasn’t always been synonymous with respect, even within the industry. I gave a presentation at CAI’s Law Conference a couple of years ago. I bumped into one of the lawyers from the Midwest who had been in the audience. He let me know he really enjoyed the presentation, but he was confused that I was from the management side of the business. His exact words? “…But you are articulate.” Ouch. We’ve got work to do.

Professionalism

Several years ago, when my concerns about professionalism in the industry began to rise, I served as Education Council Chair for the Washington Metro Chapter of CAI  I was thrilled that Joe Douglass of Whiteford, Taylor & Preston agreed to present on the topic for CAI. During that time, I was working for a management company that had a reputation for being “old school.” Unfortunately I was slammed and could not attend the session. The next day Joe took the time to call me.

“Thanks for calling, Joe. How did the session go?”

“It went really well. But I wanted to reach out to tell you about something I said before you heard it from anyone else.”

“Umm…OK….”

“Well, I got up there and looked around, but I didn’t see you or anybody else from Zalco there…”

“Joe…what did you say??”

“My intro was ‘What does it mean to be a professional? Do you have to wear a suit and tie every day like a Zalco guy?’ The room broke out in laughter. Then I said, ‘No, but it doesn’t hurt!’”

He was worried it would seem like he was making fun, but I loved it. I thought it was great that our reputation was so well established with the local business community. Talk about branding!

So Why the Tie?

Does a tie make me smarter? Nope. Does it make my work better? Not directly. But it sends a message. It reminds me about my mission and it lets the world know I’m serious about it. Don’t get me wrong, I know several professional community association managers who represent themselves, their organizations, and their industry in an exemplary way who rarely if ever, wear ties. Plus, CAMS in Texas and Florida might even faint from heat exhaustion if they had to wear one every day!

Still, here in the Mideast, a tie says something. I want to equip as many managers as possible to be worthy of the respect they seek. I want managers to get paid what they are worth. I want the profession to be respected and appreciated. Like it or not, appearances can either add or detract. A tie dresses up a man physically. It can likewise accentuate his professionalism. If it’s backed up by actions, it says:

  • I am serious about what I do
  • I respect you
  • When I represent you, I want to do so favorably
  • I respect the value of the work I do for you
  • I am a professional

Necessary? No. But it doesn’t hurt.

The M-100

So there I was, beginning of the class. I gave my spiel about our profession and the tie, and why I would be wearing one throughout the class. I explained that I am more comfortable wearing ties pretty much every time I do educational presentations out of respect for the participants and their time. Most of the class was dressed in business casual, which was entirely appropriate. I thought nothing further of it.

Then Friday morning, Marvin shows up with a nice red tie. I was so tickled that I couldn’t even give him a hard time about the unbuttoned collar.

Marvin was on the staff of a high rise condominium. He was an excellent student, bright-eyed and clearly serious about his career. I could tell he understood the impact a professional manager could make on a community, and he was into it.

A few months later, I was not at all surprised to learn that Marvin had been hired as the general manager at another condominium association. I am certain he will do well.

Did he need the tie? No. But it didn’t hurt.

Attitude, Best Practices, business life, Emotional Intelligence, leadership

Outer Space

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It ain’t about you.  How many times have we heard that?  And yet, we silly old humans forget.  It’s understandable.  Things go wrong, we feel before we think (a biological fact), and we react.  Those reactions are egocentric.  The chemicals jetting through our bodies are some powerful stuff!  Managing this process so that our outward manifestations take into consideration that we are not the center of the universe requires practice, self-awareness, and perhaps a ton of self-control.  Mastering ourselves can be a huge factor in job satisfaction, not to mention peace of mind.

Me, Me, Me – Oops!

The word “context” keeps popping into my head.   When our context is insular, it’s flawed. We miss things.  We make mistakes.  We hurt others.  We create drama.  There are serious consequences when we fail to recognize others’ experiences, ideas and cultures.

I recall my reaction once in dealing with a particularly egocentric community association member.  After trying to appeal to reason in every way I could imagine, I gave up.  I changed gears and said, “The thing is, there’s only one sun in the solar system for a reason.  If a person tried to be the center of the system, all the gravitational fields would get messed up and the planets might crash. It just wouldn’t work!”  It was so random she actually had to stop and think about it.  I’m not so sure I would recommend such a facetious approach as one of the “magic beans” of communication, but it actually worked.  At least I didn’t get fired.

Finding Context

One antidote?  Slow down.  See the context of things, events, people and the complicated intersections in between.  Perhaps most importantly, find the underlying principles that can apply to the situation.  If we want help to create solutions and have a ghost of a chance for happiness and peace, we have GOT to get outside of ourselves.  The chart of the universe shown above makes us laugh.  But unless we see ourselves, our experience and our attitudes in the context of the larger world, the chart is accurate to one degree or another.

“Sometimes you have to give yourself away to get yourself back.” – tw

Yes, the prospect can evoke fear.  The impulse to react from our own standpoint is a form of self-defense.  The willingness to release self-interest for a moment might make us feel vulnerable.  I also see some irony here.  The tighter we hold onto a myopic perspective in order to protect ourselves, the more we put ourselves at risk to our detriment. We are less likely to be effective in working with others, less likely to adjust our course to work with changing circumstances, and less likely to find a deeper satisfaction in work and in life. It is vital to develop and grow emotional intelligence.

As you see yourself and your circumstances more clearly in the greater context of what and who are around you, things start to click.  And you grow.  I love the way the late Jim Valvano put it, “A person doesn’t become whole until he becomes part of something bigger than himself.”

Attitude, business life, Emotional Intelligence, Management

The Party’s Over- Now What? Maintaining Perspective & Balance in the Wake of a Terminated Business Relationship

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Whether you are an employee of a management company, an onsite manager of a community association, or a professional service provider, odds are at some time in your career you will be involved in a business relationship that for one reason or another reaches the end of its useful life. You shake hands, wish each other well, and move on. But in reality, doing business is a human endeavor and damage can be done if you don’t recognize and address the mental and emotional toll that can sometimes linger from a business “break-up.” You can be technically proficient in handling transitions without always giving full consideration of the human factors that might be involved.

Over the years it has pained me to watch managers, in particular, come away scarred from difficult client or employment relationships. Those who throw themselves into their work are hit hardest. Despite what they may view as Herculean efforts in less-than-favorable circumstances, they come away feeling unappreciated and often abused. Professional detachment to the point of uncaring, over-defensiveness, diminished standards of performance or conduct, and profound cynicism are only a few of the telltale signs of unhealthy scarring.

I’ve been so fortunate to have had the opportunity to reflect on these things with people of uncommon wisdom. They have shared with me pearls that have proven valuable in professional and personal life. I care about all you dedicated professionals working in the community association field. I want you to be healthy and happy. So then, since sharing is caring…

Lesson #1: Learn

“When the Devil says fire is hot, he knows what he is talking about.” Credit for this one goes to my primary professional mentor, Arthur Dubin. He shared this with me some years ago while we were working with a particularly unreasonable board president. Though I have to state for the record that the statement assumes certain theological concepts that I personally believe to be rather spurious, the words create a picture that makes an important point: While being deluged by unfair and possibly irrational attacks, it is very easy to miss a salient and accurate critique. You may feel compelled to defend yourself as if you were perfect or minimize shortcomings in the face of intense scrutiny. It might seem like your client or employer expected you to be perfect. Well, you weren’t. And that’s OK, but even minor issues, if not identified and corrected quickly, can become major issues. As painful as it might be to admit mistakes, it’s way more painful to repeat them. If a criticism is true, it is true regardless of the identifying source. The challenge is hearing it. So, be brutally honest…could you have done anything better?

Lesson #2: Eyes Forward

It turns out being a lousy driver was one of the best things that ever happened to me…. “Glance in rear-view mirror anytime you apply the brakes.” I got that one in a driver improvement class many moons ago. The lesson literally saved the instructor’s life one day on the beltway. He glanced in the mirror as traffic slowed and noticed that the truck driver behind him wasn’t paying attention. He took corrective action, changed lanes, and avoided the deadly rear end collision that befell the driver that had just moments before been in front of him. When things stop in front of you, like the end of a business relationship, it pays to look behind just long enough to learn the lessons necessary to avoid getting rear ended (Lesson #1)— and then it‘s got to be eyes forward. You are smarter now. Focus on what’s in front of you. Take action to get where you need to go. It doesn’t pay to beat yourself up over the past. If you keep staring into the rear view mirror, you’ll wreck. Once Lesson #1 is done, move on.

Lesson #3: It’s Your House

This one is courtesy of the late “Uncle Mike” Gilmore. He had a well-earned reputation as one who had seen it all in this business. He was a great sounding board. One afternoon he let me whine on for several minutes about a situation. And then…

“Tommy, what’s the most valuable real estate you own?”

“I guess it’s my house.”

“Wrong. It’s here (points to his head). Let’s say you owned a house and decided to rent it out. Would you let just anybody move in?”

“Of course not. I’d qualify them to make sure they’d pay the rent and wouldn’t trash the place.”

“Right. So if you’d go through all that for a house, why would you do the same with the most valuable real estate you own? Never let negative people rent space in your mind.”

Whoa. Of course he was right. Even if you successfully apply lessons one and two and have done everything you should do, sometimes those negative comments might play back in your memory. A new comment might trigger an old memory. There is no benefit to dwelling on them. You can’t control others, you can only control yourself. Why give up any of that control by allowing others’ negativity to reside in your head? Lock the door.

“Never let negative people rent space in your mind” – Mike Gilmore

It’s not easy to maintain a dedication to excellence in a balanced, healthy way. But you have to. It is the best way to be good to our clients and good to ourselves at the same time. Imagine that—a win-win.

If things don’t work out sometimes, it’s OK to hurt. Just not too long. It sounds trite, but it’s true – every experience can make you better and stronger. Please don’t burn out. And please don’t sell out. We need you.

Attitude, Book Reviews, business life, values

Book Review #1 – Lessons and a Tribute

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The Backstory

For my first Tomasaurus Rex Blog book review, I chose one with a very personal connection. It is one of my favorite business/life stories. Over the course of my long association with Arthur Dubin back in the Dubin & Associates days, he shared a number of anecdotes about a man he knew in his youth. As near as I could make out, this big-hearted fellow named Jerry had been a big deal at some point. From Arthur’s stories, I gathered Jerry had owned the Philadelphia Eagles. I learned he regularly treated kids to Eagles and Baltimore Bullets games. I knew he had lost his fortune but was not clear exactly how. But the real story was the man behind all that. The Jerry that Arthur described was a kind and generous man who has treated more people to restaurant meals than anyone in history. A famous practical joker, he also had a great sense of humor.

What I did not know when we joined Zalco Realty in June of 2000 was that Jerry Wolman was a real estate phenomenon in the late 50’s and 60’s, that he had embarked on building the tallest skyscraper in the U.S. and that his empire collapsed as a result of issues related to that project. I did not know that Zalco Realty’s owner and chairman had been associated with Jerry and that Zalco’s beginning was in some way connected to the remains of Jerry’s real estate holdings. I also did not know that Jerry kept an office at Zalco.

So we Dubin employees moved into Zalco’s Silver Spring office as part of the merger arrangement. My next door office neighbor was this extremely friendly older fellow named Jerry. As we chatted amiably about life and business, I noticed that the guy especially lit up when talking about two things – his family and sports. He exuded kindness and generosity of spirit, one of those people for whom you sense you would be happy to do anything for. I got the feeling I could learn a lot from this guy. One day I told Jerry I’d love to better understand the art of the real estate deals and pick his brain. I explained how I would love to get off the financial hamster wheel one day but that I was limited by a lack of capital. Jerry told me, “Aw Tommy, you don’t need money to make money. You just need balls!” So old school.

Then one day our discussion turned again to sports. He casually mentioned he once owned the Eagles, but it was a long time ago when I wouldn’t have known any of the players. Jerry had not yet grasped that I am a bit of a sports history nut. After reeling off the names of half a dozen or so players, his eyes flashed as he broke into that big Jerry smile and he exclaimed, “You know!!” After a few months of being next door to the guy, the light bulb finally turned on. I walked into Arthur’s office and asked, “That guy Jerry I’ve been talking to for the last 6 months – that’s The Jerry?” Arthur, incredulous, replied, “You didn’t know that?”

Fully enlightened, I thoroughly enjoyed my time with Jerry until he moved out of Silver Spring and into an office at the Ellicott City spring water bottling business he was working on at the time. We caught up every so often. It was always a delight. Jerry was the kind of person you want to be like when you grew up, in part because in some laudable ways he never grew up. He was the guy you wanted to introduce to all the special people in your life. I was grateful my wife got to meet the man I had talked about so much before she passed. As I learned more about his history and did a little research on the Philadelphia Flyers and the John Hancock Center, I was amazed at his irrepressibly positive attitude. The fact that he never expressed any bitterness whatsoever towards those who appeared to have done everything from serving him poorly to being outright disloyal showed me the meaning of grace.

The Summary

I knew Jerry was a class act, but my appreciation grew considerably after reading the book. He never claimed to be a perfect man, just a regular guy from Shenandoah (“Shendo”) PA. The book chronicles his life from boyhood to his chance arrival in Washington, DC. He kept his eyes open, thought creatively, and found opportunity, eventually presiding over a $100 million (roughly $750M in 2018 dollars) real estate development and management empire. His business practices were old school, to say the least. Deals were sealed with handshakes. Your word was your bond. Eventually, he lived his dream and bought the Philadelphia Eagles. Soon after, his holdings included the Spectrum arena and the fledgling Philadelphia Flyers. Then it all came apart. Construction faults in his most ambitious construction project and his resolve to remain personally responsible for the business required him to liquidate his assets, including his beloved Eagles. Along the way and well after the financial fall, Jerry touched countless lives with his kindness and generosity. In the end, many of those to whom he gave grew in material wealth. Some owed their fortunes to him. But with the love Jerry shared and got back from friends and family, he remained the richest of them all.

The Gold

Jerry’s story is a touching and, in the final analysis, uplifting story of what a person can accomplish. It also teaches how to recognize the failures of the past and admit errors while staying focused on the present. Success and riches of real value transcend cash, power and toys. It’s about family, and dreams, and effort, and people, and giving, and love. I don’t know anyone who has given as much away as Jerry did without ever keeping score. Naturally, proceeds from the book went to a charity close to Jerry’s heart.

Jerry’s inscription in my copy of the book. A tough guy unafraid to express love – pure Jerry

We lost Jerry in 2013. I wish you could have met him. I miss him, but his impact on my life remains. I’ll tell Jerry stories as long as I live. Soon, very few will remember the man. The book is already hard to get. Don’t miss out.  Amazon still has a few copies.

Attitude, business life, community associations, Management

3 Kinds of Jobs

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In my late teens I had a ridiculously intelligent friend. Dave was an engineering student at the University of Maryland. I remember him lamenting how he missed a perfect score on the verbal part of the SAT by 40 points. Of course he aced the math part of the test. Dave’s book smarts were most impressive. But what I appreciated more was his analytical approach to life in general.

Hassle

Dave worked a part-time job assembling printed circuit boards. He fussed about his boss, he fussed about the job, and he fussed about the foibles and folly of business in general. Finally, he came to an epiphany. With impish grin and eyebrows raised, he proclaimed. “I now understand business. The company and the job titles are irrelevant. There are actually only three jobs in business; Hassle Creators, Hassle Transferers, and Hassle Receivers. If you are a Hassle Receiver, do anything you can do to get promoted to Hassle Transferer or quit. Of course, the best job is Hassle Creator, but that’s usually the owner.”

Dave’s Three Job Theorem still crosses my mind every so often. It still makes me laugh. In a narrow, simplistic sort of way, it’s true. It’s also a bit naïve. Owners deal with plenty of hassle. There are no pure Hassle Creators.

Job/Career/Calling

Years later I found an even more studious approach to the workplace. Kouzes and Posner’s The Leadership Challenge  recognizes that people tend to see what they do for a living in three different ways; as a job, as a career, and as calling. Not nearly as funny as Dave’s Three Job Theorem, but a tad more refined. And while Dave’s categories were hierarchical, Kouzes & Posner’s are applicable to any position. It’s an attitude.

The three approaches speak to a level of commitment and personal satisfaction. A job? 9-5. Punch the clock A means to an end. A career? You do it because you have a plan. A calling? That one always repelled me a little before studying Kouzes & Posner. To me, “calling” used to imply some sort of divine will, and that seemed a bit over the top. After I stumbled upon community association management (like so many of us did), I realized that I felt drawn to the work. But I still didn’t buy in to any kind of personal manifest destiny. The clouds didn’t part, there was no voice from heaven. I just enjoyed the bigger picture of what I did. There were parts of the job I was not thrilled with. Yet, there were elements of the work I enjoyed very much. Taking care of people, fixing things, helping people enjoy where they lived, making a difference in the lives of others, and helping leaders find fulfillment in their service all drew…or called…me.

I also found myself repelled by the idea that everyone should find some mystical perfect situation. Sure, seemed to find their “calling’ early in life. But it seemed to me that many more found it later after developing their skills and interests over time. There was work involved, and it was rarely perfect. The gold was in the process to get there.

A Choice – Work

Kouzes & Posner helped me to realize that while a calling could theoretically be divine in nature, it is primarily finding things to do that were in harmony with your personal values and goals. That is what draws, or “calls” you. I remember the beauty of one of the examples cited in the The Leadership Challenge. A hospital janitor, a position my friend would certainly rate as a Hassle Receiver, viewed has job as a calling. Why? He explained, “I help people get better.” Not only did he recognize that the quality of his work made the environment healthier, but was called by the ability to make a bigger impact. He found that the way he did the work – the way he interacted with patients and their family and visitors, with a smile, a kind word, a simple kindness – made all the difference. I seriously doubt the gentleman grew up thinking this was his dream job. But his life experience and attitude put him in a position to see what he did for a living as a calling.

Grit by Angela Duckworth and Known by Mark Schaeffer do a great job debunking the cosmic calling concept. There’s no reason to feel pressured if you can’t magically find your calling. Try stuff. Learn stuff. Notice when you are at your best and figure out why it worked. And you calling doesn’t have to have anything to do with earning money. If a job allows you to pursue a calling, it’s worth it.

Great/Neutral/Bad

Which leads me to one of my old definitions of the 3 types of jobs. I used to say a great job helps you to be the person you want to be. It energizes you, inspires you, and fortifies you. A neutral job doesn’t necessarily help you to be the person you want to be, but it doesn’t make it too hard, either. You have space to grow and at least some opportunities to live your values through your work. I defined a bad job as one that makes it very hard for you to live by your values. This kind of job sucks the life out of you, leaves you exhausted and requires a herculean effort just to show up every day.

It’s Up To You

No matter how you analyze your work, what you do with it is a choice. One person’s horrible job is a dream job for someone else. Knowing yourself, what motivates you, and the values and goals you choose are at the beginning of navigating your path.

I’ve never been a fan of the term “work-life balance” because it gives work equal value to life. That’s nuts. Work is a part of life. The key is the extent to which your work is in harmony with your purpose. And it does not matter how. I know people who hold seemingly mundane part-time jobs who are happy as clams. Why? Because that job allows them to do the volunteer work they love. And this allows them to find joy when working a job others might find meaningless

Getting this right usually takes time. Recognize that not only what you do but how you do it can make a big difference in enjoying what you do. Things change and you’ll grow. Who knows, a neutral job might become a good one, even a great one. I will always treasure an email I received from a manager who invited me to attend her PCAM induction ceremony.  She wrote, “The first time you interviewed me, you asked if community association management was a job, a career or a calling for me. At that point, I answered that it was a career, but now I can truly say it is a calling.”

As the late, great Jim Rohn said, “Accept all experience. See what it can teach you.” Whatever role work has in your life, you will probably have to spend a good chunk of your life doing it. You might as well find a way to enjoy it!

Attitude, business life, Human Resources, Management

Get Stuff Done and Have Some Fun – A 20 Question Checkup From the Neck Up

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It’s Labor Day here in the U.S. We celebrate it by taking a day off. Something about that always made me laugh a little. The truth is, “celebration” and “labor” are rarely found in the same sentence. Apparently, somewhere between 70% and 90%  of employees do not feel engaged in their work. My experience working closely with community association professionals leaves me unsurprised (and saddened) by those statistics.

I got some interesting comments about an online job bank announcement I posted a few years ago for a client. I must have been a little frustrated when I wrote something along the lines of “butt covering, blame shifting, can’t do managers need not apply.” I may have used the term “retread…” I was serious. A burned out, disengaged manager just wouldn’t cut it. The client had a keen BS-o-Meter and needed somebody who would walk the walk.

It occurs to me I’ve developed a list of contrasts in my head – behaviors, character traits, and perspectives that seem to reveal the difference between managers who excel and enjoy what they do, and those who seem mired in mediocrity and misery. I use these to evaluate manager candidates. I also use them as a self-test to see if I am falling into non-productive habits. Here goes…

  1. Am I more bored or more curious?
  2. Am I intellectually lazy or looking to learn?
  3. Am I prepared or am I winging it?
  4. Am I focused on personal credit or team success?
  5. Am I covering by butt or am I taking ownership?
  6. Am I setting a positive tone and creating a space for others to mirror me, or am I mirroring others and leaving mood up to chance?
  7. Am I looking for ways to make a difference (no matter how small) or am I doing just enough to get by?
  8. Am I frowning more or smiling more?
  9. Am I stuck in the weeds or am I seeing the bigger picture?
  10. Has my thinking become task-based (my job is done when I check the box), or results-based (my job is done when the goal is met)?
  11. Am I spending more time explaining procedures or the principles behind the procedures?
  12. Am I spending more time explaining why things can’t be done or getting things done?
  13. Do I have a bias for action or stasis?
  14. Am I holding myself accountable or making excuses?
  15. Am I complaining about unfairness (that which I cannot control) or am I being my best self (that which I can control)?
  16. Am I focusing on the disappointments of the day or what I can learn from them?
  17. What words am I using more often – us and we, or I and me?
  18. Is it getting to be a J-O-B or is it a career (or better yet, a calling)?
  19. Am I thinking or just doing?
  20. I am blindly following my client’s instructions, or am I helping them make educated decisions?

The old adage is correct – you reap what you sow. When you focus on doing better and being better, you are far more likely to feel better and get more out of every experience. It’s so tempting to take the easy path, to be negative, and to blame others. I guarantee you see people around you who do that every day of their unhappy lives. That stuff rubs off. That’s why I like to do a checkup from the neck up from time to time. And if you pass the test and your situation is still crummy, perhaps it’s time to apply #13 and find a new situation.

Do you have a contrasting question to add to the list? Please share!

Attitude, business life, community associations, Management

No D For Managers

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They say defense wins championships. As much as I enjoy employing sports analogies as a teaching tool, this is one I cannot use. Because when it comes to customer service, offense comes first. A defensive mindset is limiting and ultimately self-defeating.

Generally unhappy people are everywhere, so the odds that some of them live in a community you serve are pretty good. Whether or not their beef is legitimate, or whether or not it has anything to do with you personally, it may well feel personal. And some particularly miserable folks will take great pains to make it so. In these situations, defensiveness feels natural. In very negative environments, it might even feel necessary for self-preservation. It can be a challenge to avoid the trap of defaulting to playing defense in your interactions with owners and residents.

SILLY HUMAN TRICKS

People unconsciously live up or down to expectation. So when you set a defensive tone, people are more likely to be contrary. They also mirror, that is, reflect the emotions and behavior of those with whom they interact. That means (1) as a professional problem solver, people bring you problems. They may not be happy about that problem and their negativity will rub off on you unless you are very careful. And (2) if you are negative, they are more likely to be negative. Think about it… are you are one of those managers who complains regularly about your job? Are you creating a space where negative transactions are likely, maybe even inevitable? Oops.

A word about “CYA” (covering your…butt). Some old school, burned out managers will tell you that CYA is the first rule of management. It might be the first rule of mediocre management, but not good management. CYA is the sure byproduct of doing good business. The follow up email, the contemporaneous business record, the documentation of conditions, inspection reports, thorough board packages – these are all fundamental business practices that protect both you and the association. But when your first goal is CYA, you get selfish. You do things that clearly protect you, but are frequently short sighted and have little to do with addressing the real issues of the day. A mindset of self-protectionism can create a vicious cycle of ineffectiveness that leads to distrust. Constant defense becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

“But Tom, we live in a litigious society. And my Board questions every move I make. I have to play defense all the time!”

You are right. But your strategy is flawed.

IN CUSTOMER SERVICE, A GOOD OFFENSE IS THE BEST DEFENSE

Great managers play offense by taking a proactive, positive approach to their work. They don’t wait for problems to come, they look for opportunities to address things before they become problems. When problems do come to them, they see the opportunities hidden within.

When you take the initiative to play offense first, you free your mind to see the possibilities. You recognize the potential for good in people and help them to be their best selves. You build trust. You find you don’t have to play defense so often. Your reputation creates space for good things to happen. And you put yourself in a position to love what you do.

How Great Managers Play Offense

• Think solutions and work towards them, even if you can’t give your client exactly what they want. Or anything approaching what they want for that matter. Be that person who gets things done despite challenges.
• If a statement needs correction, do it in the third sentence, not the first.
• Focus on the principles behind the matter at hand. Teach. Help others to raise their thinking.
• Don’t mirror the negative, problem-based mindset of others. Let them mirror your positive, solutions-based approach.
• Paint a picture of possibility and a bigger perspective.
• And yes, document, document, document. It’s just good business.

Attitude, business life, Time Management

Time Management, Multitasking & Other Myths

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A few years ago I would have never thought “Time Management, Multi-Tasking and Other Myths” was going to be my most requested presentation topic. Then again, given the increasing pace of life, the growing data deluge, the obliteration of work/life balance by hyperconnectivity, and expectation for immediate gratification that has become the new norm, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. As things get more stressful, people seem to be getting hungrier for strategies, encouragement, and relief. A recent version of the program was for a management company retreat. What a great little group of people!! At the end I got a question I hadn’t heard before…”Can I have a hug?” I’m gonna remember that one for awhile! I am glad the program has such a positive impact of people, so I’m very happy to keep offering it.

The Tomasaurus Rex Blog is a tool to help me achieve part of my professional mission – to give away my best stuff – the things I’ve been blessed with over the years. Hopefully, folks can pick it up less painfully than I. (Apparently my strategy for a long time was to make every mistake known to mankind…ultimately effective, but not recommended).

So, since the time management program is apparently some of my best stuff, here are some of the “head-nodders,” as I call them. As a presenter/facilitator, you never know exactly what will resonate. So when you say something and a bunch of heads go down to scribble a note, or tap furiously on the phone, there’s a real good chance it was an impactful point worthy of highlighting the next time you share the topic…or tweet. Of course, if the heads nod and there is no other activity, I put them to sleep. Either way, I learn.

So here are some good “head-nodders” for you – 5 commonly held myths and 8 concepts that might make a difference for you:

The Myths:

1. You can manage time. Actually, time is a constant. 60 seconds is always 60 seconds. You can’t manage that. What we call “time management” is more accurately event management. Or even more accurate than that, it’s energy management. Ultimately, we are really talking about the value you infuse into your time.

2. You can’t manage “time.” Since we are stuck with the term “time management,” we’ll work with that. Those who believe they have no control over what takes up their time are doomed to life as a victim. You can’t control everything, but you certainly have influence.

3. A professional keeps gobs of data in her head. A highway to burn out. Get stuff out of your head and on the paper or screen. Albert Einstein reportedly had to look up his own phone number in the white pages. According to the story, he said just didn’t see any value in keeping things in his mind that he could easily access by other means. There’s a lesson there. (Millennials – I know you have no clue what white pages are. But you’ve already Googled it, haven’t you?).

4. You don’t have time. Usually, it is more accurate to say you are choosing to do something else with your time. Everyone has the same 24 hours. Also, take a look at Pearl #6 below about the nature of tasks.

5. You can multitask. Studies show the mind holds only one thought at a time. We may “hypertask,” but be careful. Fast doesn’t necessarily mean efficient. When you do something poorly, you are probably creating more work for yourself and others in the long run. Efficiency is only valuable when it is a function of effectiveness.

The Pearls:

1. Know the difference between a time investment and a time expense. Huge concept. Too many managers think they don’t have time to do the things that save time in the long run. If you don’t have time to do it right, when will you have time to do it again? How many hours will you spend later because you didn’t take 15 minutes to nip something in the bud and follow it all the way through?

2. Work from a prioritized task list. A cornerstone of time management. Brain dump everything you have to do, then prioritize. Plan the work, then work the plan. Of course the plan will change. Of course you might not get everything done. But at least the most important things are more likely to get done. Extra bonus – you spend a TON less time and mental energy analyzing and making decisions on what to do next over the course of the day.

3. Important things are rarely urgent; urgencies are rarely important. Everything feels urgent these days. Most “urgencies” are menial. Most important things don’t call, text, email, or IM you. Make sure to make important thing an “A” level task and it will get done. Otherwise, your time can easily be consumed by urgencies and you’ll look back with regret.

4. Know what’s important, and what’s not. One the most important skills of a successful manager. Prioritization is vital. Time and experience are the best teachers. Sorry, kids – try to learn fast. Get a mentor. Ask a lot of questions. “How did that work for you?” and “Why?” are great ones.

5. Outside forces can impact you, but they cannot control you. Only you can control you. Give that up and you are the eternal, miserable victim. Not a great plan.

6. Attitude makes a big difference. Time management is as much mindset as it is skillset. Henry Ford said “If you think you can, or think you can’t, either way you’re right.” Tasks are not always static. Doesn’t everything magically get done the day before you go on vacation? Why? Mostly motivation. And maybe coffee.

7. Apply the “single handling concept”. You can lose upwards of 50% efficiency by stopping and starting tasks. Think efficiencies all the time. Better yet, think effectiveness all the time.

8. You only have one life. Live it purposefully. Apply these principles to your whole life, not just your work. Identify what’s really important, create action plans to achieve goals that get the truly important things done. Get it done one prioritized task at a time. Do that, and you’ll have a legitimate claim to peace of mind. Probably the biggest idea of them all.

This stuff isn’t brain surgery, but you do need persistence and discipline. Do you prefer chaos or achievement? Frustration or joy? Regrets or satisfaction? It’s your choice.

business life, change management, leadership, Management

I Don’t Know (Period?)

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Passive aggression gets a lot of play when we talk about human behavior these days. It’s unhealthy. It’s all too common. That behavior in a business setting is certainly harmful, but not as pervasive as something far more insidious….passive dependency.

Uh oh

Here’s a test – how many times do you hear the words “I don’t know” in your organization? This phase is perfectly OK if its followed by a comma and a plan of action. But when it’s the whole sentence followed by a period, you have a problem.

How about “Well, I was waiting for…” If people are always waiting for someone else to tell them what to do, you have a problem. If everything flows up the organizational chart, action is delayed, decisions get bottlenecked, and customers are poorly served. Nobody learns anything, you have an organization of drones and robots. The vicious cycle of suckitude repeats over and over until the organization dies a slow death. As Bill the Cat would have said, “Ack!!”

Kill the cancer

Passive dependency demotivates people and eats away at the insides of organizations. Treat it aggressively like the cancer that it is.

It’s not you, it’s me. No really, it might be me

Organizations rife with passive dependency have Papa or Momma Bears at the top. Be careful that’s not you. It’s easy to fall into. Are you being responsible, or have you become despotic (benevolent or not)? Are you a nut about quality control or are you actually a control freak? Are you the answer man, brilliantly handling all queries from your people, blowing them away with your knowledge and wisdom? Is that really efficient in the long run? Worse yet – are you taking a certain joy in being the sees-all, knows-all oracle for all things important? You are the problem and your leadership sucks. Sorry to sound so negative, but you needed to know.

Make it right

There is hope….Try answering questions with “What do YOU think?” and keep asking questions until the answer comes out of someone else’s mouth. Help people to think about the why as often as possible. Never allow “I don’t know” to end with a period. Hock out the hairball of passive dependency. Quickly. Definitively. Now. Really.

Go ahead, invest in your people. Put others in a position to learn, to think, to use their best judgment, to act, to be responsible. Then trust, even when you know stuff will go wrong from time to time. Let them goof it up from occasionally and talk about lessons learned along the way. I know, you don’t think you have time. Do it anyway. You’ll save a ton of time in the long run. It’s an investment you’ll be glad you made.

Emotional Intelligence, leadership

Accept Me As I Am? Maybe. The Paradox of Human Imperfection

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“To thine own self be true.” – Polonius in Hamlet

I have no doubt that when it comes to core values and principles, Shakespeare had it right. I remember hearing Hyrum Smith defining pain as the distance between where we are and where we want to be. Certainly, stress results when there is a gap between our actions and attitudes and the principles we have adopted, sooner or later. A guilty conscience can be a silent killer.

At the very same time, we silly humans can be masters of rationalization. At its most extreme, we can want something so desperately we will convince ourselves the means justify the ends. Or decide that it must be right because it feels that way in the moment, even though down deep we know our choices will likely slap us in the face sometime in the future. We say, “That’s just the way I am” to excuse a hot-tempered response or a thoughtless act.

Can we do better? Should we try?

I’ve come to think about it as the Paradox of Human Perfection. Thinking through the lens of paradox can be a useful tool for both self-examination and leadership.

Here’s how the paradox goes: Since we are imperfect, it is unreasonable for anyone to expect better than our best at a given point in time. At the same time, imperfection means that our best can probably get at least a little better, edging the needle closer to perfection. Most people are more than happy to gleefully embrace the first part. “Hey, that’s the best I can do!” and leave it at that. Those who strive to embrace the second part are rarer.

Achievement, growth and satisfaction lie in the ability to (1) accept the whole paradox, and (2) strive to find a healthy balance between both sides of it.

YOU

Studies in emotional intelligence tell us that self-knowledge and self-regulation are learned skills. Taking an honest (brutal) self-inventory can help us to determine where our behaviors come from, and how well they match up to the person we believe we could and should be. If you find yourself excusing poor behavior with the first half of the paradox or finding you blame outside conditions, events, or other people when you are called on the carpet, it’s time to recognize you can do better. Push yourself to grab the second half of the paradox. It can be scary to hold yourself responsible, but the end result is much more rewarding.

On the other hand, the so-called “overachievers” of the world can spend inordinate energy beating themselves to death for perceived failures. They forget the first half of the paradox. If that’s your tendency, it can help to find a trusted colleague, friend or mentor to help you see things in context, remind you of your value and pull you back from the edge. You balance the paradox by allowing that you gave your best at a specific point in time and place. You will learn and do better the next time. You don’t have to thrash yourself.

YOUR PEOPLE

The paradox also comes into play when you lead others. Here is where the skill of empathy taught in studies of emotional intelligence come into play. It’s important to observe how your people deal with the paradox. If they tend to fall into the habit of glomming only the first half of the paradox, it may be time to push. Help them to see a vision of their potential and create a safe space for them to work towards it. This rules out the character attacks typical of poor leadership. Paint the picture of the future you can see for them and put them in the best position to see themselves in the picture.

Conversely, self-starters are already beating themselves up. Don’t push – they are likely fairly close to the edge of the roof already. Your job is to gently pull them back. Be the coach that reminds them of their value and appreciates their efforts. These folks tend to be your most effective team members. If you push them, they are out the door (or off the roof!).

So be true to yourself – your best self. Be true to your people – create that space for them to find and work towards their potential. Support and understanding can coexist with high standards. It takes hard work, vision, balance, and empathy to make it happen. And it’s a game changer!