Long-standing teacher-student or mentor-mentee relationships develop a natural rhythm with recurring themes. These are taught through what I would call organic rituals—spontaneous behaviors that become meaningful patterns over time, sometimes lasting a lifetime. This is the story about one of my favorites.

I would walk into my boss’s office when I needed to tell him that I goofed up, or when I was unhappy with myself for something I should have done better. He would patiently listen, perhaps asking a few questions. Then, with perfect timing, he would open his desk drawer and pull out a ruler. He would tell me to put my hand out, tap the back of it with the ruler, and say, “There, do you feel better now?”

It really was genius. Arthur understood his people. He knew those of us who would always push ourselves harder than he could push us. He saw that one of his greatest values as a leader was to help us see things clearly. He also recognized that I was the kind of person who could continue to beat myself up without any real benefit. I didn’t need him to push me in those moments; I needed someone to pull me off the ledge. And yet, he knew me well enough to know when he did need to push me. He had to be perceptive and care about me. I had to trust him and be vulnerable. In addition to the practical value the ritual offered, it was a lesson in leadership and an example of how to be both a mentor and a mentee.

As often as we repeated that ritual over the years, it always surprised me when he reached for the drawer and pulled out the ruler. But once he did, I realized it was exactly what I needed.

Arthur had no idea how impactful that little ritual and its lessons would be. Over time, this experience led to a self-management and leadership paradigm I later called “the paradox of human imperfection,” which will no doubt be the subject of a future blog. This framework is closely linked to Dr. Carol Dweck’s deeply impactful growth vs. fixed mindset concept.

And it all started with the ruler in Arthur’s desk—one of many seeds he planted that grew in those of us who were willing soil.

Now that you know this example of Arthur’s leadership, let me ask you: Have you created leadership rituals that convey meaning, help relationships, and shape your organizational culture? These practices can become powerful tools for lasting impact.

This is the first in a series of stories and lessons from my years with my primary mentor, Arthur Dubin. Look for the #Arthurism tag for more lessons on leadership and life.

Arthur Neil Dubin, CPM, PCAM, AMS, CMCA

September 5, 1952 – January 16, 2025